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The rain fills my heart with gloom
I feel as though I am walking to my doom
The clouds are overhead
making me wonder if the sun is dead
Visions of knives and guns dance through my thoughts
I feel as if everything I have done was for naught
I'm looking doom straight in the eye
as I walk closer I can only cry
My life feels as though it's ended
And I know it'll never be mended
And I cry for my lose, my lose of hope
My mind feels as though it's drugged with dope
All I can do, is cry my tears
I cannot speak or I'll unleash my fears
Death is looking better and better
but I am not the kind of up-and-go-getter
As I sit on my bed, crying tears from my eyes
That my parents don't know these feelings is no great surprise
I have often thought of ending my life
With a gun, a car, or even a knife
They are trying to help me, my loving mom and dad
But, they can't.....my life is that bad
I appreciate their efforts, don't get me wrong
But what is life, when it's without song
I feel no love, I feel no hate
As the rest of my feelings will soon dissipate
I am walking around as a zombie in life
Feeling nothing, only strife
I wish i could just curl up and die
But that won't happen and I'll tell you why
I am the world's biggest chickensh**
even if I had the weapons I couldn't go through with it
Because I've tried before and probably will try again
But I'll stay on this Hell till God says I must say "Amen"
16 February 1998